


“Days of Our Kamas. Season 12, Episode 5. ‘The Crimson Stranger’”

by Pendles_is_friendles



Category: Battleborn (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, but come one it's great, writing faux soaps is hilarious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 18:36:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20661845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendles_is_friendles/pseuds/Pendles_is_friendles
Summary: When Pendles is alone and bored with just his Kamas, things get weird.  Voiced by Pendles and starring his two Kamas, Helen and Aaron, "Days of Our Kamas" holds the record of the most ridiculous soap opera left in the universe.





	“Days of Our Kamas. Season 12, Episode 5. ‘The Crimson Stranger’”

“Settin’: the balcony of Aaron’s mansion. There are rose bushes and stars and such, much like the scene where he first professed his love for Helen.”

“Last time on ‘Days of Our Kamas’: After wakin’ up from his coma and recoverin’ from a bout of amnesia, Aaron made the shockin’ discovery that his beloved wife, Helen had taken a lover behind his back! Dun dun duuuhh! Whatever shall our valiant hero do? Who is this handsome stranger who stole his love’s heart away? Find out, after this commercial break!”

“Obviously our only sponsor is none other than that handsome devil, Pendles of Executive Executions! Now offerin’ a kill one, maim one free deal! Now, back to our feature presentation.”

Aaron: “How could you, Helen? I was only out a couple of days and you run off with another kama?”

Helen: (tears streamin’ down her face) “No one knew if you were ever goin’ to pull through! I have needs you know.”

Aaron: (turnin’ away all dramatic-like) “You could have waited. Are you so kill-hungry you couldn’t ask the doctor what me prognosis was? Who is he Helen, tell me!”

Helen: (shocked beyond belief) “Of course I asked! He didn’t know! Doctors don’t know anythin’ love!” (Turnin’ away all dramatic-like too) “’is name’s Malloy. You’d really like him, I swear!”

Aaron: (Hissin’ mad, he turns back to her) “That is beyond the point, Helen. You said you’d wait for me. You lied to me!”

Dun Dun Duuun

Malloy: (Bursts in, valiant and dashin’) Uh, hm. What voice should I give him… “How dare you speak to her that way! Helen cares you, all she did was worry about you!”

Helen: (Now standin’ between the two handsome kamas) “I never left you Aaron, I never lied! I like Malloy, but I also like you too! Aaron, no one slice through flesh and liberates heads quite like your sharpened iron blade while Malloy is great at burnin’ with every strike. You should go killin’ together, I don’t mind!”

Aaron: (Pensive mullin’) “But if I go killin’ with him, what about you? I couldn’t bear to see you left at home like I was.”

Malloy: (In with a great idea) “How ‘bout Helen comes with and we all switch out? That way we can all get kills and be lovers together?”

Aaron: (Realizin’ he’s been silly) “Of course! No one gets left out!”

Helen: (Bringin’ the other two together): “Of course I won’t get switched. But we all will get kills together!”

“Suddenly, all three were suddenly stricken with comas! Oh no~! Next time on ‘Days of Our Kamas’…


End file.
